How to love others and forgive people?
Written by: Loris Vitry (holistic coach)
Validated by: Cathy Maillot (Osteopath)
Caution: If you have any medical questions or concerns, please speak to your doctor. Even if the articles on this site are based on scientific studies, they do not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
It is beautiful to love, and one of the hardest things to do is forgive.
Either way, it’s about accepting the other.
An acceptance which implies to tolerate his faults and qualities, his personality.
It is also about turning a blind eye to the other’s offenses and reestablishing them in their friendship.
Very difficult in many cases, loving and forgiving are tasks that must be learned in order to be successful.
It is a therapy that begins with oneself before externalizing to others.
This article is a true guide that helps overcome all the barriers that prevent loving and forgiving.
There is nothing more beautiful than love, to feel this acceptance towards your neighbor.
A tolerance which veils all his faults and seeks only the best in himself.
Loving the other, takes away the stress of having to endure their presence.
This feeling brings peace of the heart.
Societies are created and prospered by the acceptance of individuals among themselves.
But this whole process has to start with oneself.
That is, to love others, you have to be able to love yourself.
How to learn to love yourself?
Loving yourself is the first attitude in this process.
It is a real work to do on yourself for personal development.
Loving yourself involves knowing yourself in your personality, knowing your talents, flaws and qualities.
To love yourself is not to demand love from others.
In this dynamic, it is important not to let the judgments of others dampen your self-esteem.
It’s not about being egotistical, it’s about recognizing yourself as a person of worth.
It is also about respecting yourself and being proud of yourself.
Loving yourself also means having confidence in yourself, knowing your limits and always working to be better.
How to love the other?
After you have succeeded in loving yourself, you can move forward in the process by loving the other.
The first thing to know is that the other person doesn’t have to have the same love for you that you have for them.
No one has to demand mutual feeling from the other.
To love is a free choice.
Loving makes perfect sense even when it is not reciprocal.
You have to be able to respect the other’s choice.
As mentioned above, loving others is accepting these qualities and faults.
It is also the acceptance of his convictions, his opinions, his personality, his culture, his education and many other parameters.
This meaning implies not judging the other for their differences.
To love the other is to act in their best interests without expecting any recognition from them.
Love implies total selflessness.
To love the other is to learn to help him when we have the possibility, it is to support him as much as we can, it is to encourage him, it is to congratulate him, it is to be for him an attentive ear and a consoling shoulder.
You cannot succeed in this whole process without seeking to know the other.
You have to know it and respect it.
It is true that loving everyone can be difficult, if not impossible, but it is quite possible not to judge others and to respect them for their person, in their choices.
Forgiveness responds to another process that could be more complex than this one.
Sometimes complicated to do, but it is very helpful to forgive.
Human relations are not lacking in differences and conflicts.
We never cease to be offended for various reasons, consciously or by omission.
So goes this world of men and women who cannot be perfect.
It is important to understand why it is essential to forgive in order to care about it from now on.
We are often reluctant to forgive when we think about the hurt felt and the mind constantly broods over the offense.
Forgiveness is however liberating.
The offended one who refuses forgiveness harms himself more than he does to the offender.
Forgiveness brings peace of the heart.
To forgive also means to love.
It’s a great way to restore once broken relationships and get back on track.
This act helps to grow in maturity.
It is important to forgive because no one is perfect and everyone can offend.
Granting forgiveness goes through several stages that predispose to it and allow it to be done easily.
Accept to be in pain
Refusing to forgive is the most evocative sign that you’ve really hurt.
The greater the offense, the greater the hurt and the more difficult it is to forgive.
So, first of all, you have to recognize that you are in pain and let your resentment be expressed.
So there is no point in trying to convince yourself that you are not hurt inside.
Refuse to continue to feed the anger
Being hurt deep inside generates anger towards the one who has offended.
It is important to let go of this anger.
You have to decide not to be angry with the person anymore.
Despite how badly you feel, you can decide to stop thinking about how bad the person is.
To do this, you have to take the time to properly analyze the situation and consider mitigating situations.
Afterwards, you have to see the best in your relationship with the person.
Think about the beautiful things done together or how much the relationship could bring good if it is restored again.
This step marks a desire to move forward and rebuild once-broken bridges of friendship.
Open up to forgiveness and allow yourself time
Forgiveness only comes when you open yourself up to it.
You have to accept deep down to forgive and put aside this gloomy past.
This approach allows you to move on.
So we have to move forward.
Chat with the person who offended
It is possible to discuss with the person who has offended and express their feelings to them.
This technique allows you to vent your anger and free yourself.
Some people are only able to forgive at this cost.
By talking to the person, they have the opportunity to listen to you and better to explain themselves.
The relationship with the offender after forgiveness
There is no requirement to come to terms with the offender after granting a pardon.
Especially in case he hasn’t changed.
We just have to forgive him with the heart and if reconciliation is possible, we should not abstain.
This is the main takeaway from this article on love and forgiveness.
These two concepts must become the credo of all for a more fulfilling life.