Mirror effect in our relationships to get to know each other better?
Written by: Loris Vitry (holistic coach)
Validated by: Cathy Maillot (Osteopath)
Caution: If you have any medical questions or concerns, please speak to your doctor. Even if the articles on this site are based on scientific studies, they do not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
We hear a lot about the concept of the mirror effect.
And yet, it is still little understood.
The mirror effect can be used in interpersonal relationships and helps to get to know yourself better.
So how does it work?
This is what we will find out in this article!
Why do we need to understand the mirror effect?
What others own or do is supposed to be a reflection of what we do.
In other words, what we perceive in others (their emotions and behaviors), but also the feelings we feel in front of them, are only a reflection of what we carry inside.
This may explain why we act in one way when we could have reacted in another way.
This also explains the diversity of feelings that appear in a person: sadness, joy, guilt, envy, helplessness or even jealousy, etc.
It is therefore important to understand the mirror effect in order to know how to control your feelings and behavior in the face of certain events.
What is the concept of mirror effect?
The mirror effect is no longer a foreign term for people.
A lot of people are talking about it.
But it remains a concept that is still little known, even by some mental health professionals.
However, it is one of the most used and practiced personal development tools in recent years.
If you make good use of the mirror effect, you will improve your interpersonal relationships.
In fact, it is above all a concept based on the notion of cause and effect.
It applies at an individual level.
Its principle is this: every situation that an individual faces and every feeling he experiences is the result of an event that is inside him.
If we speak of a mirror effect, it is because the person this individual has in front of him has reactions that send him to his own reality.
This reaction can be negative or positive.
It can even create emotional stress.
In fact, the other projected this reaction by adopting a posture that can annoy or rejoice the individual.
It is the other which is in this case called mirror.
An illustrated example of a mirror effect
Sometimes you don’t like being around certain people.
Or sometimes you have the impression that other people seem to prefer solitude when they are often surrounded.
In reality, these people would like to be loved.
Why are they so lonely?
Why don’t people like the company of these people?
This is probably because of the attitude they have and what they present to others.
Lonely people sometimes get carried away easily.
And this attitude causes other people to avoid them.
Certainly these people thought that this avoidance of others was a lack of affection towards them.
It is a mirror effect that gives the impression of betrayal.
This is how other individuals can mirror our impulses and feelings.
This is just one example.
But obviously, the mirror effect can help people get to know themselves better and change their attitude in certain situations.
How does the mirror effect help people get to know themselves better?
One of the main benefits of the mirror effect is self-knowledge, in other words, personal development.
But concretely, how can it help to get to know each other better?
In fact, it conditions our entire existence (relationships, beliefs, etc.)
Someone in front of you may annoy you.
But often, she’s not the problem.
You are the real problem.
We generally expect others to adapt to our way of life.
And when this is not the case, one depresses or one accuses the other.
This expectation makes us believe, for example, that:
- My ideal lover is waiting for me somewhere.
- Before appreciating myself, others must show their love for me.
- Others should try to be around me so that I don’t feel alone.
- My professional success inevitably depends on the hand that others should extend to me.
We can display a lot of similar beliefs.
The problem is that many times these aspirations do not come true.
And when it does, we automatically deduce that our thoughts are bad.
This will help you get to know yourself better.
You notice that you are too imaginary and that you project too much on others what you would like them to do to you.
You then realize that you have to do things on your own and expect little from others.
So you start to:
- Adopt behaviors that attract others to you naturally.
- You love without necessarily expecting others to love you.
- Give if you hope to receive from others.
- Take risks and work hard if you want luck to smile professionally.
- Go voluntarily to others rather than waiting for them to come to you.
The mirror effect: an asset for being happier in a couple
Many couples encounter relationship difficulties, because each member has become the mirror effect of the other.
Statistically, nine out of ten couples find themselves in such a situation.
It is for this reason that we must seek the reasons for this mirror effect in the couple.
When there are relationship difficulties in a couple, we can ask the following question: “When I am angry with my partner because he is no longer affectionate as in the past, how do I feel? deeper into me?
Why do I blame him so much? ”
Perhaps you have developed beliefs that are not necessarily true.
This is generally the case.
Your story may be the cause.
You eventually grew up knowing that your partner should be the most caring in the world.
When you get into a relationship with him (or her), you realize that the ideal you believe in is not true.
He (or she) is different.
It is a limiting belief that you must learn to overcome and to which you must address early on.
You then have several options, two of which are important:
- You change this belief. This option is not highly recommended.But if you choose it, the prerequisite is that you accept that your feelings are determined by a limiting belief.
- You decide to ignore this belief and accept events as they present themselves to you, you will be much happier in your relationship.In this case, you accept that your limiting beliefs are harmful to your development.
In everyday life, our happiness depends more on ourselves than on others.
The mirror effect can be a brake on our development.
But paradoxically, it can be used to get to know yourself better, manage stress and be happier.