Assertiveness and self-esteem: the best tools and techniques?
Written by: Loris Vitry (holistic coach)
Validated by: Cathy Maillot (Osteopath)
Caution: If you have any medical questions or concerns, please speak to your doctor. Even if the articles on this site are based on scientific studies, they do not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Self-esteem refers to a person’s perception of their own worth.
Assertiveness refers to a person’s ability to express themselves, whether to share their needs, opinion or feelings.
Certain factors such as stress can also negatively affect assertiveness and self-esteem in many people.
Do you suffer from a glaring lack of assertiveness and self-esteem?
In this article, learn about the best techniques and tools to help you regain control.
Assertiveness: the best tools and techniques
Assertiveness is not a frozen phenomenon, it is developed and improved through practical exercises and techniques.
Here are some techniques to help you achieve better assertiveness:
Get rid of some primary reactions
Assertiveness inevitably involves respecting opinions and asserting one’s rights without infringing on those of others.
To better assert yourself, you must first dissociate yourself from certain primary reactions such as:
Aggression
It results from voluntary social behavior and is based on the desire to impose one’s opinion or physical dominance.
Aggression will only generate conflict, and your interviewer may ultimately agree with your reasoning, but under duress.
The submission
Submission results in a blatant inability to express one’s opinions or impose one’s point of view.
Submission is a barrier to assertiveness in that it promotes a reluctant acceptance of the opinions of others.
Handling
It consists of imposing one’s opinion or wishes by means of cunning or subterfuge.
Your interlocutor, if you can convince him of your idea, will have accepted it at his expense without understanding the full meaning.
Adopt these assertiveness techniques
The Fogging
It is a technique of assertiveness based on finding a compromise, a common ground.
It aims to help you move the discussions forward and limit the aggressive characters of your interlocutor.
It is precisely to address first and isolate the elements on which you agree with the other person, before refuting the points on which there is opposition.
By practicing this method, you will less offend the sensitivity of your interlocutor.
In addition, this method prevents you from completely contradicting the statements of your interlocutors.
The negative request technique
This method consists in asking your interlocutor to make you the most specific criticisms.
It not only allows you to show an open mind but also helps move discussions forward.
Affirmation by the “I”
It allows you to verbalize your requests and affirmations without passing judgment on those of your interlocutors.
This method consists of using the “I” at the beginning of all your sentences.
It fully promotes assertiveness while preventing your interlocutors from feeling devalued and judged.
The scratched disc technique
It is very easy to put into practice.
It consists of repeating a request or a wish as many times as necessary.
However, you should only resort to the broken record technique if you are faced with unfounded resistance.
Note that to achieve a better assertion of your person, you must first respect the opinions of others, it is only by doing so that you will succeed in establishing yourself as a credible person, endowed with a very good sense of relationships. .
Be aware of your needs
Listen to your needs. This is a very important step since it will allow you to precisely identify the ideas and convictions that you want to convey by asserting yourself.
If you ignore your needs, it will be very difficult for you to know on what basis to assert yourself.
It will be easier for you to assert yourself when you are connected to your needs.
Some tools and tips to promote self-assertion
- Practice regularly face-to-face.
- Openly express your opinions, thoughts and emotions.
- In the event of disagreements, favor realistic compromises and take into account the interests of your interlocutor.
- Learn to ask by making clear and explicit requests.
Self-esteem: the best tools and techniques
Lack of self-esteem, whether due to stress or another factor, can be a real obstacle to your personal development, emotionally, family or profession …
Here are some techniques and tools to help you increase your self-esteem:
Take stock of your level of self-esteem
You cannot improve or transform what you cannot master.
So you need to identify your strengths and weaknesses, your qualities and your flaws. You can then focus on those little flaws that are the basis of your lack of self-esteem and on which you can act.
The Rosenberg Scale developed in 1965 by the psychologist of the same name is a great tool for determining your level of self-esteem.
Sophrology
Sophrology is a set of practices aimed at controlling painful sensations and psychological discomfort.
It allows, by means of relaxation, to move away from stress, but also to cure a lack of self-esteem.
Sophrology will initially help you let go, take care of yourself, let your emotions run free.
It will then allow you to reach a level of personal development, to get to know yourself better.
You will then become aware of all your capacities and your potential.
Sophrology, based on simple exercises and training adapted to your level of self-esteem, will allow you to work on your own perception of your worth.
Positive recognition
Positive recognition is an attitude you will need to develop in order to increase your self-esteem.
Indeed, it may happen that when faced with situations of increased stress, you feel devalued: this is the case, for example, when you submit a job that is not appreciated at its fair value by your superior.
In these situations, you should not feel diminished or rejected, but congratulate yourself.
You will become more aware of your worth and increase your self-esteem.
Remember that in order to be more assertive and have good self-esteem, you need to strike a balance between listening to the needs of others and being assertive.
So gradually learn to assert yourself and increase your self-esteem by referring to the techniques, tools and tips above.
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